


Kindling

by zilia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Depression, Erectile Dysfunction, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Recovery Bucky Barnes, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:21:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4544724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zilia/pseuds/zilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky haven't quite figured out their sex life since Bucky's return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kindling

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to lizard for the beta!

Bucky remembers that a very long time ago, kissing Steve was the most exciting way to spend his time. The first time, when they were fourteen and Steve had stood determinedly on tiptoes and kissed him full on the lips, had been like a flame to a touch paper. Bucky had been overcome with the feeling of Steve's hot mouth against his, and with the mingled surprise, shock, and delight of finding that Steve shared his feelings. Right now though, in 2015, their kissing is getting more and more intense, and instead of arousal, Bucky begins to feel a familiar mixture of excitement, apprehension, and dread. _Maybe this time._ He opens his mouth for Steve's tongue, willing his body to co-operate, and Steve moans into it, pressing enthusiastically forward. It feels good, warmth building in his belly, and he lets his hands tangle in Steve's hair. _OK, take it easy..._ And then Steve's hands grip Bucky's hips and drag him infinitesimally closer, and Bucky can feel him hard through their sweats, and if he can feel Steve, then he knows that Steve will be able to feel...

            And right on cue, Steve pulls away, letting go of Bucky like he's a hot coal and putting several feet of space between them.

            Bucky flushes, feeling the customary hot wave of humiliation crash over him as once again, Steve finds his body unresponsive to sex in the most obvious way. This isn't the first time that this has happened, far from it. It's happened enough times for Bucky to have learned the routine by now. Firstly, Steve tiptoes around him for a few days, gradually increasing the amount of physical contact he dares to have with Bucky. Then, when he's established that Bucky is comfortable with cuddling, he'll introduce would-be casual kisses into the mix. A few days of that and then he'll try to move things on again, which inevitably ends in disaster when he finds that Bucky isn't instantaneously turned on, and then Steve flees, spiralling into awkwardness, and Bucky spirals into despair, and they're right back to square one, with a few more delays of awkward half-glances and throat-clearings and Steve sneaking into the shower in a manner that he clearly thinks is subtle but which is pretty obviously just him jerking off.

            Well, this time Bucky's not having it. Instead of melting into a puddle of mortification, he looks up and meets Steve's eyes. Steve looks horribly embarrassed, but Bucky knows the best way to get Steve to talk to him is to challenge him. Challenge Steve's obstinacy and he won't back down. It's maybe not the smartest idea – a bit like poking a bear with a stick – but Bucky's so frustrated that he wants to snipe at Steve, and it kind of robs him of his rationality.

"What is it, Steve? You really find me that disgusting?" He knows Steve _doesn't_ , knows that it's the complete opposite, but he's so mad he doesn't care.

"Bucky, you don't disgust me. How could you think that?" _Fuck_ Steve. He's so reasonable and earnest, forehead creased with concern, and it makes Bucky even madder.

"Because every time we kiss and you get closer to me, you run away."

"Well, it's kind of obvious you're not into it."

Steve's not exactly wrong, that's the thing, but it makes Bucky even more defensive, so his instinct is to deflect.

"What are you talking about? Kissing is great. More kissing. I love kissing. Kiss me right now."

"Bucky. You've spent enough time being forced to do things you didn't want to do. Do you really think I'd want to add to that?"

"That's what this is about? You think I don't want you and that you're _forcing_ me?"

"I have empirical evidence to suggest that's the case."

"For fuck's sake...don't go all _Banner_ on me. _Empirical evidence,_ what the fuck? Just because I can't keep it up doesn't mean I don't love you." Because he _does_ love Steve. That has never changed, whatever else is going on with his brain.

"Bucky. I don't want to ask you for more than you can give."

" _You need it_ , Steve. And I can do it, I'm not dead."

"But..." Steve looks torn, and Bucky knows why. The thing is, Steve has a pretty high sex drive. Even when he was tiny and sick all the time, he always wanted it, pawing at Bucky shamelessly, shooting burning glances across the room when Bucky was reading the paper, dragging him into bed and onto every available flat surface in their apartment... Bucky has always been unable to deny Steve anything it was in his power to give, and he used to love it when Steve bossed him around. After the serum it had been even worse, the adrenaline of leading troops into battle and the need for secrecy and speed driving them both wild, and that was _before_ you even got onto Steve's newfound strength and stamina. Being lifted by Steve, now _that_ had been a rush. The small kindling coal that burns in the back of Bucky's brain gives a flash of warmth, not the urgent heat that he used to feel, but a warm, comforting glow. It's not lost; it's just buried somewhere, along with all the rest of who he used to be and squashed under the weight of these pills they keep him taking. Steve is so patient, so loving, so wary of pushing Bucky too far, and Bucky loves him for that, but he also knows that this is a two-way street. Steve is worn so thin with anxiety about him and so used to putting his own needs second to Bucky's. He needs to take Steve out of his head and take care of him for a change, let him be _his._

            Bucky takes a deep breath, willing himself to be calm. "Steve. Just. Don't think about me right now. Don't think about what I want. Think about what _you_ want."

            Steve is still silent, and he looks puzzled, like he doesn't even know how to answer that question. Luckily, Bucky does.

            "Do you want me to touch you, sweetheart?" Bucky asks, his voice soft, and for a second, Steve's expression completely changes, like the sun coming out after a storm. He loses his wariness and instead a look of hope comes over his face, even if it's quickly hidden away behind the familiar neutral mask.

            Bucky has always relied on words to seduce Steve. Steve would kiss first and ask questions later, but he had loved it when Bucky talked to him, called him sweet names and sometimes not-so-sweet ones, told him in exquisite detail what he wanted to do to him, lavished him with praise and endearments. It had been as though he had needed constant reminders that Bucky wanted him, and he's surely never needed that as much as he does now. This realisation makes Bucky feel like he's on firmer ground. Once it's no longer about him and the endless tedious needs of his fucked-up body and brain, he feels more confident. This is _Steve._ He loves Steve. He's loved him since they were both eight years old and he'd hauled Steve out of a fight with some dumb kid three years older than him. Loving Steve, taking care of him, making him feel good, is something that comes to Bucky as naturally as breathing. Using his hands to heal, not to hurt; to soothe, to caress, to tease, to bring pleasure, to protect. It's his deepest instinct; years and years of Hydra and the chair couldn't take it away from him.

            "C'mon, let me touch you," he says, still in that soft tone. "Stevie, please, you're so beautiful. I'm gonna take care of you."

            And that's all it takes. Steve makes a small, involuntary sound, and immediately flushes pink. His eyes glaze over, and he looks as though he wants to sink into a chair, but Bucky holds out a hand to him, and Steve takes it, following him meek as a lamb to his bedroom.

            "Take your clothes off for me, sweetheart," Bucky says once they get there, and Steve obeys, docile and sweet, pulling his t-shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor, sliding his sweats down and letting his cock spring free. The curtains are open and the room is flooded with light. Perfect. Bucky wants to see Steve as he takes him apart. He's so hard already, and that pink flush has spread to his chest. His nipples are hard and rosy, and Bucky knows he's going to have fun with them later. But for now, he pats the bed, encouraging Steve to lie down. Steve does, stretching out on his back like a contented cat, a visible shudder of anticipation passing through him. Bucky takes hold of his hands, and, on a whim, draws them together and places them on the headboard.

            It's been a _long_ time since they last did something like this. It didn't happen often, and it never went very far – not like Bucky knows it can go, because _really_ , if you can't have sex you might as well read about other people having it, and the can of worms that had opened up once Natasha had found him reading _Fifty Shades of Grey_ just to see what all of the fuss was about and had gently pointed him in the direction of the internet (and snatched the book out of his hands, but that had been no big loss) was still wriggling around his head – but it had tapped into something that had intrigued him. He's not going to push Steve too far, but he does want to make sure he lets go and enjoys himself.

            "Keep your hands up there," Bucky says to Steve, "You can't let go until I tell you. I'm going to touch you now. If you don't like it, you have to tell me, ok?"

            Steve shivers, despite the heat that's pouring off him, and his knuckles whiten around the headboard. Bucky settles down onto the bed beside him and strokes his fingers up and down Steve's torso. He keeps his touch light and gentle, soft strokes mapping the outline of Steve's firm body, dipping down occasionally to his hips, then dancing up along his collarbones. Once Steve has relaxed a little, Bucky dips his head and licks him, and Steve shivers again. He mouths all along Steve's chest, suckling on his nipples, biting little bruises into the skin. Steve tastes salty and it's _so_ good. He's tempted to lick him all over, map every last inch of him with the tips of his tongue and fingers, but instead, he decides to move things along a bit before he loses his nerve completely. He sits back on his heels to rummage in the drawer of the nightstand. When he finds the lube, he discovers that it's half-full, and doesn't _that_ bring to mind some beautiful mental images. When he pops it open. Steve's breath hitches. His eyes are closed, but the _snap_ of the lube cap is an unmistakable sound, and it makes Steve's cock jump.

            "You want this?" Bucky asks, "Want my fingers inside you?"

" _Yes_ ," Steve hisses, "Bucky. Please." He's not moving his hands from the headboard, but he's squirming, his hips lifting off the bed.

            "OK, baby, I'll give it to you," Bucky says, his metal hand stroking soothingly over Steve's forehead. He bends down and kisses him there, and then he slicks up the fingers of his right hand and reaches down between Steve's legs. Bucky's not going inside him yet, just circling around that tight, hot little hole, but it's enough to make Steve writhe and moan. Bucky feels like he knows Steve's body intimately, although really that's an illusion, because it's been years since he _actually_ touched him like this. But he can remember it. Steve was always beautifully responsive, and today is no different. After teasing him for a few moments, Bucky slowly pushes one slick finger inside Steve, and Steve gives a deep, gusty sigh, rolling his hips and fucking himself on it.

            "Hands up there, sweetheart," Bucky murmurs, not that Steve's moving, but Bucky wants to remind him, and he lies down so that he can kiss Steve. He sucks Steve's tongue into his mouth and then pins it with his teeth while he works a second finger inside Steve. He finds Steve's prostate with ease and strokes over it, and Steve gasps, tenses, and comes, without Bucky even touching his dick. Bucky breaks the kiss in surprise and they stare disbelievingly at each other for a few seconds before they both burst out laughing.

            "That good, huh?" Bucky asks, grinning at Steve's shocked expression.

Steve ducks his head. "Been a while," he mutters, flushing, but he looks more relaxed than Bucky's seen him in ages, so that's a win.

"A while since you had help, maybe," Bucky scoffs, looking pointedly at the half-empty bottle on the nightstand, and Steve laughs again.

            "Gotta get it where I can," he snarks, and Bucky's heart catches to hear Steve teasing him, pushing back, not being careful or trying to protect Bucky from his own humour. It's enough to make him surge forward and kiss Steve again, before that smile can fall from his face. He grips the back of Steve's head with his metal hand while he flickers his flesh and blood fingers over Steve's prostate again. Steve whines into Bucky's mouth, and Bucky swallows it, scissoring his fingers to stretch Steve wider.

            "How many more have you got, Stevie baby?" he husks against Steve's lips. "Let's find out, yeah? How many times I can make you come for me?"

            "Bucky," Steve starts to say, but Bucky kisses him again, silencing him.

"Don't worry, baby," he says, "I told you. This is for you. Just relax." As he opens Steve up, he drops his metal hand to Steve's dick and grips it. Not hard, just firm, and as light as he can, aware he doesn't have as much fine motor control over this hand: Steve may get off on danger, but maybe not this close to his sensitive areas. There's no point in ending their sex life before it's even been rekindled, after all. Steve's dick is still hard from the last time he came, like it barely took the edge off. He's as good as gold, keeping his hands up as Bucky strokes him gently inside and out. They keep kissing, little gasps of shared breath between them interspersed with Steve's moans and whimpers, and then Bucky coaxes another orgasm from him with a deliberate brush over Steve's prostate, only a few minutes after the first.

            " _Damn_ ," Bucky whispers, awed. He lifts his metal hand to his lips and licks Steve's come from his fingers, the familiar bitterness triggering even more memories. He offers it to Steve, and together they lick and suck Bucky's hand clean, sharing the taste of him, their tongues meeting over the metal. Steve's breathing heavily, his skin damp with sweat. He takes a while to come down from this one, almost like the two orgasms have hit him at once. Bucky nuzzles at him, pressing their foreheads together, kissing all over his face.

            "Love you, Stevie, love you so much," he murmurs fervently, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. "Wish I could give you more, you deserve everything, Steve, _Steve..._ "

            Steve sits up, taking his hands from the headboard for the first time and pulling Bucky close. Bucky crumples into Steve's hold, and clings to him. Steve makes him feel so warm, so safe.

"Bucky," Steve says in a low voice, nudging Bucky's face up so he can fix him with that patented Captain America Gaze. "You've got nothing to prove. All I want is you. It's already more than enough that I found you again."

"Hey, we're on a roll here," Bucky says, trying to get some of his former swagger back and desperately trying not to cry. The loss of control makes him feel panicky. This was supposed to be about Steve, not him, and focusing on his own weaknesses is destroying the mood. "At least let me see if I can make you come again?"

"Gonna take a while," Steve says, but his eyebrow is raised in a challenge, silently agreeing to drop this line of discussion, at least for now. "You think you're up to it?"

"Hands back up there, mister," Bucky says, and Steve eagerly obeys. As he stretches up to take hold of the headboard, his body goes taut and his hips rise up, displaying his physique in all its glory. Bucky can't help it; he has to get his mouth on Steve.

            He takes Steve's softened dick in his mouth and sucks it, loving the feeling of it growing in his mouth. He starts with gentle pressure, but gradually has to flatten his tongue and open his throat as Steve lengthens and thickens. After a few minutes his mouth is so full of his lover's cock that he has to fight not to gag on it. Bucky used to love this. He loved the musky taste of it, the intimacy, the triumphant feeling he'd get as Steve's come gushed down his throat whenever he could bring him off. Back in Brooklyn Steve had often had trouble getting it up, and Bucky had become the master of the long, slow blowjob, sucking Steve to full hardness before fucking him. Even when the rest of Steve had been tiny, his dick had been disproportionately large; the serum had maybe given him a little help in that area, but not much. Well, that was Bucky's opinion, and nobody knew Steve's dick like Bucky. Seventy years on, he still knows exactly how to make Steve moan. He's bucking his hips up now, a sure sign that he's getting close, _again._ Bucky swirls his tongue around the crown of Steve's dick, and Steve comes gushing into his mouth, so much and so fast that Bucky can't quite swallow it all and it leaks out of the corners of his straining mouth. He has to pull back before he chokes on it. He's preoccupied with catching his breath, so it takes him a while to notice Steve staring at him in awe.

            "Like what you see, baby?" he asks, once he can speak again. He can feel a trail of Steve's come sliding down to his chin, and slowly, deliberately, he sticks out his tongue and laps it up. Steve whimpers and his cock gives another valiant twitch. "Like seeing me swallow you down? Filling me up so much I can't take it all, and you taste _so good_ , my sweet baby..."

            Steve whispers, _"Bucky, fuck..."_ and Bucky feels proud he's reduced him to this. Getting Steve to use bad language during sex is a massive achievement. Contrary to popular belief, Steve has no problem with profanity in day-to-day life, but he's always been reticent to introduce it into their love-making, no matter how filthy everything else they're doing is. It's a mark of how wrecked Steve is, and Bucky's ecstatic that he can get him there. He wonders how much more he can give Steve. _More. Everything._

            Bucky draws slow patterns across Steve's torso and stomach, first without much of a purpose, and then, almost unconsciously, slicking up his fingers with Steve's come. He reaches down towards Steve's dick, and takes hold of it. Steve cries out.

"Bucky...Bucky, I can't, I can't... _please._ "

"One more, baby, you got one more," Bucky cajoles. Steve is a fucking _mess_ right now. His chest is splattered with the come Bucky hasn't licked up or used as lube, and his eyes are glassy, and he's panting like he's run a marathon, his body slick with sweat, his chest heaving. He looks _glorious._ He's a fucking pornographic work of art. Bucky's so proud of him. And of himself, honestly.

"You can give me one more, can't you baby?" he coaxes, "It's gonna feel so good, I promise. Just one more."

Steve makes a broken, whimpering sound, but his hips still buck up, his dick still twitches, getting reluctantly hard again. Bucky gives a fond smile.

"You can't help it, can you? There's more in you, I know. Just a little more."

 " _Bucky,"_ Steve whines, as Bucky slides his fingers gently out of Steve, being sure to graze his prostate on his way out. He leans down to lap at Steve's chest, teasing his nipples with his teeth. Steve gives a long, low moan, and Bucky suckles one into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it, bringing a hand up to squeeze the soft flesh of his pec so he can get it further into his mouth. With the other hand, he scratches down Steve's side, the metal fingers digging in just a little. He must be hurting Steve a little by sucking on him like this; he's always been so sensitive here. But then, Steve often likes his pleasure with a hint of pain.

            "C'mon, give it to me baby, you're so sweet," Bucky whispers around Steve's nipple, and Steve sobs and moans and then his body seizes up, and a dribble of come oozes out of his dick. He's sobbing, tears streaming from his eyes, and he looks _wrecked._ It's the most beautiful thing Bucky's ever seen, and he sits back on his heels for a moment just to take it all in. Then, unable to wait any longer, Bucky scoops him up and cuddles him close, holding Steve's exhausted body tight against his own, stickiness and sweatiness be damned. He rocks him gently from side to side, whispering soothing nonsense while Steve comes down. He can't even speak, he's so fucked out.

            Bucky wants to wrap himself up in Steve and never let go. He hasn't seen Steve like this in such a long time. He distantly remembers long lazy Sunday afternoons in Brooklyn when they would experiment, see what they could do to each other, but it wasn't like this. Steve's asthma had been so bad then that they had to take their time, and he would never have lived through coming four times in a row like this. Bucky used to joke about fucking him to death, but they had both known that it was a possibility if they got him too worked up. Luckily, things are different now. Bucky doesn't want another death on his hands. Fortunately he can just cradle Steve close and vicariously enjoy the afterglow.

            He's still not hard, but that seems a million miles away from the point now. The way that Steve clings to Bucky as he comes down is more satisfying than any orgasm could be; yeah, it's corny as hell, but right now it seems like the most important thing is just to take care of Steve. It's the most human he's felt since Steve found him. That little flame in his heart, the one Steve ignited so long ago with his fearless first kiss, is still burning, keeping him safe, lighting his way back. It won't be enough for ever, but, as he settles down to hold Steve while they drift off to sleep, he knows it's enough for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
